Like many kids in the early 2000s, I watched The Matrix, the story of a young Keanu Reeves breaking through reality and thwarting our simulation overlords. Or something. I don’t really know what that movie was about.
Like many of the aforementioned kids, I was rapt with the scene in which Neo loads programme after programme into his brain. I’d watch him go from there and pull off incredible moves that I’d never be able to replicate and think ‘Neo’s just good at everything’.
His name-fellow of the eatery variety is very much the same.
Take the lines that every Wellingtonian has seen snaking out its doors, sometimes even around the corner to Flagstone Lane. There is no booking system here. One does not leave their number, phone or customer quantity, and gallivant around the city until they are called upon to return. No. If you want to eat at Neo Eatery, you have to wait for it.
Unless you’re just getting a takeaway, then just march right in.
It’s a simple system, one that rewards patience and deters those who dare not be seen waiting in line for brunch (what is this, Melbourne?). The trick that Neo plays so cleverly is that the wait is never actually that long. Wellingtonians respect the wait and the waiters are quick to seat you once the the tables have turned empty. And once you’re seated, the magic begins.
Supreme reigns in this café, a classic local coffee bean and is offered in espresso or bottomless filter form. Either way is excellent. The staff are quick to notice a half-full bottomless mug and quicker to refill it. Cappuccinos have generous sprinkles of cocoa powder that spill over the signature teal cups and saucers. On a chilly morning, it’s heaven.
There’s a slight wait until my food arrives which affords me the time to soak in the atmosphere. Every demographic is here. Families with fussy children try to feed their baby a crumb of sourdough. An eccentricly dressed couple smile and chat while opinting down at their foods with their forks. A blender whirls, louder than any conversation could conceivably compete with and yet that doesn’t stop people from trying. The whole of Wellington is invited, plus some tourists who don’t realise the blind luck they’ve stumbled into.
My Keto Feast is laid before me and the colours strike me. Red tomatoes, green avocados, yellow halloumi, the whole ROYGBIV crew is here. A squeeze of lemon and everything tastes as it looks; incredible. As much as I abhor tomatoes when not cooked down to a pulp, I can’t help but be delighted at the jamminess that accents the charred edges. The only nitpick I have is that the grilled portobello is only half there. Come on, Neo, give me the full cap.
Our total bill comes to a reasonable $61.50, and the counter staff are lovely when it comes to seeing us off. I’m tempted, so very tempted by a slice of Whitakker’s White Chocolate and Salted Carmel Cake but I’m counting calories and Neo did not lie when they called my brunch a ‘Feast’. No, I’ll hold off until next time, something to look forward to. I bet it’ll be good.
Neo’s just good at everything.
10/10
